It's a Mad, Mad World

Yes, I know that it's a movie. I've seen it. I was referencing Mad Libs, those wonderfully insane little stories you tell at sleepovers with your closest friends. Replacing something simple with something gut-wrenchingly funny.

In college, my roommates and I often unwound with a book of Mad Libs (and often some accompanying alcohol). We would do two or three in one sitting, often driving each other to tears in the process. I could never read them out loud. I didn't have the self control.

Yesterday I stumbled across a little fuzzy notebook decorated with snowflakes (a gift out of an Advent basket from Jen's grandparents). In it I had written our "Best Of…" quotes. Lines that were funny, quotable, and unforgettable. I wanted to post a few here. Hopefully you, dear reader, will enjoy them as well.

*Beverage warning*

At present, we are sneezing directly over Louisiana.

A ghoul, in Asian folklore, is a gaseous spirit that forgets graves and feeds on the toes of the dead.

My "Dream Man" should, first of all, be very scary and purple. He should have the physique of Tom Hanks, a profile like Oprah, and the intelligence of a parrot.

He should whisper sarcastic nothings in my nose.

Her eyes are like two beat-up pools of Jello.

Karate will enable you to defeat any banana who attacks you.

This should secrete your opponent's collarbone and dislocate his/her loincloth.

You are about to give birth to a vending machine.

We are here to celebrate her earwax.

You will inherit a large sum of tornadoes from a dear, departed doormat.

All I had was a couple of scrambled envelopes and a glass of tears.

You said you provided guests will a welcome basket of Slinkies. All I found in my room was a trashy fire hydrant filled with old opinions.

Don't throw toenails at policemen.

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me a vulture in a tangerine tree.