Monday, February 06, 2006

There Is A Land Called Passive-Aggressiva...

I originally created this blog to give myself a public forum in which to rant and rave about an incident involving a message board-based Role Playing game. Another member (let's call her Mayhem) and I were kicked off the game without warning, without ever being told that a problem existed (figure that one out!), and without the Site Owner (I'll call her Deb) making any effort to address the problem and find a peaceful solution. I felt, and still feel, that I was treated unfairly (the sort of injustice that would make Johnny Cochrane slobber, RIP). However, I've put off posting on this blog for a while, and I have given myself several weeks to really put the incident in perspective.

Was I treated unfairly? Yes.

Was I told there was a problem and asked to take steps to correct the problem? No.

Do I hold a grudge against Deb for her decision? You betcha.

But last night I had an epiphany. I accidentally (no, seriously) stumbled across the LiveJournal belonging to the other player (I'd like to call her BrownNoser, but fear that's too mean, so how about Dusty) involved in the incident (no, this was not the epiphany, please read on). On this LJ, I found several entries where Dusty had openly complained about me and Mayhem. Being the masochistic type, I did the stupid thing and kept on reading (and getting exponentially pissed).

I skimmed the entries, searching for anything that involved me (I found three, I think). It dawned on me just how paranoid this girl really is. She copy/pasted off-topic posts made by Mayhem regarding plots and character actions, and totally blew them out of proportion. She took personal offense at innocuous comments, and made herself out to be some sort of victim. This particular entry stands out:

Hell I would settle for an apology from them and the realisation that the game is not just about their characters but I suspect they are too proud to even consider either of these things.

Okay, whatever. That's her point of view on the subject. All I can really do is shake my head and feel sorry for her.

Did she ever ask for an apology for these supposed affronts? No.

Would I have apologized? Yes, right after she apologized to me for calling me "uppity" on the Boards last year.

After reading the LJ, I stewed for a little while, and then I did something really stupid (don't worry, the epiphany is coming). I went back and checked the Comments posted to the threads involving me and Mayhem. Guess what I found? Comments from Deb, the Site Owner.

I quote:

AND you're the better player for your willingness to work as such a team player - and the way you never hog the attention and then bitch about someone stepping on your toes.

Was this posted the day I was kicked out? No. It was posted October 14, 2005.

I can take a lot of things. I can take criticism, and I can take constructive comments. I can also take other players complaining about me behind my back. But what I DO NOT stand for is the Group Owner and Moderator joining the chorus. If she had a problem with me, or with Mayhem, the proper thing for her to do was to contact US and discuss it. Voice it, give the problem a name. Not to go to a LJ and publicly add to the rant. It is two-faced and childish. She might as well have been saying these things on the Forum boards.

Oh yes, y'all have been waiting for the epiphany. Here it is: They were absolutely not worth the tears, or the hours of sleep lost as I lay awake trying to freakin' understand. Not. Worth. It.
The decision Deb came to suits her, because she is Passive Aggressive.


Main Entry: 1passive–aggressiveFunction: adjective: being, marked by, or displaying behavior characterized by expression of negative feelings, resentment, and aggression in an unassertive way (as through procrastination, stubbornness, and unwillingness to communicate)

Unwillingness to communicate.

Deb never attempted to correct the solution, she merely complained in private until she felt backed into a corner. She solved the problem in the most unconstructive, personally offensive method possible. She lashed out, kicked us off, and then apologized for it. Honey, if you really felt like there was no other solution, you wouldn't be apologizing. You wouldn't feel as though you had anything to make up to me (her words in a YIM window, not mine).

In my real life, I work in a retail store. An assistant manager there could not count the cash drawers properly, nor keep the safe funds in order. She never did the paperwork right. She had several customer complaints against her (two of which were reported to me by those customers). Most of the staff did not get along with her. She broke dress code, and several times, gave away damaged merchandise (tantamount to stealing).

She was finally fired. But this came after nearly a solid month of conference calls with the Store Manager, Regional Manager, and head of Human Resources. She was counseled, given additional training in the aspects of her job, allowed to defend her actions and take responsibility for the things she had done. She was given second, third, fourth, and fifth chances. She blew it. Buh-bye.

I was not so lucky. And participating in an RP isn't on the same level as your job, but the sentiment is the same. I love interactive storytelling, and email-based RP's. I own several and participate in a few others. Never in my life have I experienced such horrific treatment by a Group Owner. She may be able to justify it to herself, but I will never understand. Nor will I waste anymore time or webspace on the subject.

Wow. So much for not using my inaugural blog to complain about this incident. Now that I have had my say, on to more important matters.

I suppose every blog out there should have a purpose. A Manifesto, if you will. Otherwise, it's just one blog among several million, with no real substance or depth (I could insert a snarky comment about Dusty's LJ lacking both, and simply being her own personal "woe is me" soapbox…oh wait…damn).

So here is what I promise in my Cannon Manifesto: I will be honest.

Can you ask for anything more? Oh, right….What will I be talking honestly about?

I work full time as an Assistant Manager for "Major Retail Home D├ęcor Chain Store," (know heretofore as MRS), so I see the rainbow of human behavior on a daily basis. I am a writer by trade, an observer by nature, and sarcastic by sheer stroke of luck. Bad behavior and stupid questions are fodder for the Cannon.

I love to participate in online Role-Playing Games (betcha didn't know that by now). Specifically, the play-by-email variety that abound on Yahoo!Groups and various other mailing list sites. The problem is that the majority of these games are run by people who lack basic grammar and spelling skills, can't develop an original character, can't correctly play an existing canon character, and have no clue how to run a plot. Same goes for the players. Amazing stories and games do exist, but they are hard to find. All of these things, also fodder for the Cannon (see above).

I love television and movies. I am addicted to The West Wing, Grey's Anatomy, 24, Medium, Bones, Lost, and Battlestar Galactica. I adore various other cancelled series (just take a look at my DVD and video tape collections). I like to know what's coming, what my favorite actors are up to, and which movies to anticipate. All fodder for the Cannon.

I am a writer. Unpublished, but give me time. I have two cats who usually love each other, but occasionally start to hiss and spit. I am seeing someone (no, not a shrink, sheesh!). I'm not political, but I have strong viewpoints on certain issues. Cannon fodder.

Oh yeah…. Congrats, Pittsburgh Steelers!!!

"There is a land called Passive-Aggressiva, and you are its queen." --Derek Sheperd, Grey's Anatomy


Hawksbill said...

Which RPG were you playing?

Sorry... just a curious gaming geek at heart. :)

Kelly Meding/Kelly Meade said...

I won't put the name of it here, because as liberating as the rant was, I won't play "Dusty" and "Deb's" game of public besmirchment.

I'll just said it was an original idea based off Joss Whedon's "Firefly."

If you really want to know, email me and I'll tell you privately. ;)